Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Realizations-Turning the Page

So I made it through my third year of college, and my 17th year of school!...that's almost 20 years o_O Shit! Anyways, I sit here at 2 AM as everything starts to hit me that another school year has closed but essentially another door has opened. It's a hard feeling to explain but only one word can really explain it, bittersweet. The last 3 years have went by so fast, it was truly a blur.

I have turned the big 21 since I wrote last. Makes me laugh because I remember back to all those days that I recall saying "I can't wait until I turn 21!". Honestly, don't feel a whole lot different, besides being able to step foot into the liquor stores and make purchases whenever I want lol. Convenient :)

     Life truly works in funny ways. And the saying "everything happens for a reason" is definitely one of the foundation sayings of life itself. I sit here alone and look around my room in my current apartment that I am to be moving out of in less than a month. I will be moving into a house with one of my closest friends, I am excited for a new living situation. And why is that funny? Because if it hadn't been for me applying for that Resident Assistant job at the end of my freshman year I wouldn't have met my current roommate/best friend. If I hadn't have met her I wouldn't have in any way met another one of my best friends/co-workers/soon-to-be roommate. To think, if I hadn't simply filled out a paper for the R.A. position I wouldn't be sitting where I am today, it's a mind-boggling reality. In turn, that is a small yet BIG thought of reality itself: The smallest decisions could change your life forever. I know for sure I wouldn't have met all the amazing people that I am blessed to have gotten to know. If I hadn't simply gave a friend my roommate's number this last year she wouldn't be dating a girl she is crazy for. If I would've went to another college and not CCC I would be on a totally different path. I wouldn't have a job I enjoyed. I would have a whole different group of people in my life. Who KNOWS where I would be. Maybe on a faster path to happiness, like I said who knows! But life has a plan for each and every one of us. I wish we all had that ever so mentioned imaginary aspect of the crystal ball to see where we would and could've been. But why? Just so we could try to change it? The world I believe would be a total mess if we had control. We wouldn't learn all the knowledge we need to learn from this life to bring into the next one.

     Life is totally bittersweet for me lately as I am still trying to figure out some sort of path for what the rest of my life holds. How do we know what are good, bad, right or wrong choices? Are there really right or wrong ways to go? Either way some path will be made that you have to travel, no matter how rough or smooth. We don't get to pick. Those paths are just kind of carved by our decisions. Which is what life is initially about I suppose. Not having many friends in high school, through college I found a new avenue into the process of trusting people again. Yes, in the last 3 years trust has been broken, my heart has been crushed, I have been disappointed and have disappointed people myself, but yet I found individuals who are deep down REAL and stick beside me, even if they were a pain in my ass some of the time ;) And most of these people have moved away or will be moving away from Colby soon. I am excited for them but at the same time I am sad that they will not be in walking or short drives length. It's going to be totally different for me. I am scared for it, not going to lie. I hope I don't slip back into the depressed feelings lifestyle I lived on and off for so long. But another thing about college? I have become a more positive person, although it's still a work in progress. Everyday I try to better myself. It will be hard to say good-bye, but luckily it won't be forever, thank goodness! And I will still have some of them around for another year :)

     With that, I am looking towards the new chapter in my book of life with a bittersweet smile. I am growing up, as I type this with a lump in my throat. I am ready to take more of what life has to offer and throw my way by the horns! Hello new chapter, it's been a long but realistically short wait..