Wednesday, November 13, 2013
That's still how I feel, a little over a day since I left Independence city limits. The last 5 days that made up my southeast Kansas trip were, I have to say from the heart, some of the best in my life so far. So yes, that means my trip was a complete success plus some, and I am officially an owned woman ;) Owned by one that I felt so compatible, comfortable and content with.
The small moments that I kept over-analyzing for months before we made the trip date were some of the most memorable and cherished. That moment when I finally got to hug her. That moment when I finally got to look into her beautiful hazel eyes, push her hair back and kiss her. That moment when I woke up feeling her body next to mine? I have never felt more at home than with her. It was a feeling I never thought I deserved to feel. And a day after leaving I am already yearning for it again.
With this voided, empty feeling in my heart and slightly in my mind as well, I am more than determined now to try to search and find the path that will lead us closer together someday down the road. I know now more than ever that I want to be there beside her as we conquer life's biggest quests. I believe she is the one. She is not my first but I have the strongest feeling she will be my last, and that is indeed a great feeling, inside and out. All I gotta do now is get over the pain of driving away from her and back to western Kansas, which is where I know I won't be spending the rest of my life. It is time, time for a new chapter. But I just got to keep the mindset that this chapter isn't over yet. Without this one, the next chapter wouldn't be as great as it is meant to be.
On that note, I am so happy to officially be in a relationship with a girl that completes me, makes me laugh, smile, and want to be the best I can be for myself, her, and this world we are both in. No matter how far, when we aren't together, and when our words are not quite enough, I have the stars to bind us. And that, that can never be taken away. I love you Jordyn <3
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
T minus 6 hours until I start my trip to Southeast Kansas, the trip I have been looking forward to and waiting for since I started talking to the person that has made my heart skip pretty much since day 1. It's been 6 months yesterday that we have been talking. Thank goodness for technology. Through the countless phone calls and endless text messages and skype dates, I have fallen for this wonderful, caring, selfless, understanding and beautiful woman.
I used to judge so hard about those that fell for those they met literally through their computer screens, stuffing their faces with junk food and sitting in their pj's. And I think back to that one day this one girl in particular caught my eye, and I decided out of a whim to message her, not thinking that I would get a response back. And look where we are now...shit. Time flies. How is it humanly possible to yearn for and miss someone you have never hugged? Never held hands with? Never sat beside? I really do not have the answer to those questions, at least not right now. But I damn well know I'm ready to be able to talk to her face to face, to see those until tomorrow imagined facial expressions. To hold her hand, to embrace her in a kiss. I have never fell for someone quite like this before. The fact that we are so perfectly imperfect gets to me everyday, through every message I receive from her.
I am not one to look far into the future, because that leads to high expectations. And this is life. And you can dream but to turn those dreams into reality you have to set reasonable goals to achieve those dreams. And I hope to have her by my side down the road, as we help one another find where we are meant to be in our lives. And I really, honestly, undoubtedly hope that we are there, together.
With her being a couple years younger she has a little more baggage that she hasn't gone through yet, I believe I came into her life for this purpose. We understand one another in ways that are unexplainable in words, yet, to us, we know exactly how we feel about one another.
Through this 5 day weekend trip to Independence, I hope to establish yet another piece of the foundation known as our relationship. And to keep moving forward, as we take these baby steps together. I just know that I haven't wanted anything to work out this badly in...well, in my entire life. It all feels SO right. And years from now I hope to wake up to her and spend everyday with her. Someday :) We can't rush this <3
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Here I am again, this is going to be another ranting post about the nonsense that ALWAYS seems to take it's course when my expectations are high. Found out last night that my Ppa had fell and was majorly injured and is now in a comatose that none of us know or really believe that he is going to come out of. This was the week I've been looking forward to since June, finally being able to meet the girl of my dreams. I told myself that there was going to be nothing standing in my way, just the day before. And then this had to happen. Selfish thinking, I know right?
But when do you or should you start to view life as a bunch of endless, hopeless obstacles? When everything you look forward to never EVER goes not even a little as planned. When can you start to give up? Or do we as humans have no other choice than to keep pushing forward? 21 years of this. I know life itself usually doesn't work out like we picture it and want it to be. But just a simple trip? The ONE trip of a lifetime that I have been waiting my whole life to take? It is very depressing. But I am trying not to let my circumstances stop me. I guess it probably won't be this month, but how can you plan and expect the best again when it has been ruined once, like everything in your life beforehand? I guess I have no choice but to stay on this roller coaster called daily life. Or it should be called Life of Disappointment. It's so hard not to look forward to something you want more than anything else in the world.
With that said, so far about everything else is okay, hanging in the balance at least. I just know that I need HER. I just want to hold her, to look into her eyes and forget about the entire world and all the trouble it is in. Because with her, I know I can conquer a whole hell of a lot. And with her, I know I will not give up. Because she gives me reasons everyday to fight for her. For me. For us. For the life I have wanted to give up on countless times. I am just tired of being here, without her. How can you possibly miss someone who you have never met in the flesh? Damn. Love does crazy things to the mind, the heart, the soul. Your whole being.
Hopefully my next post will bring more positive news, for now, I will have to take this curveball on this ride and take it in stride.