Thursday, January 31, 2013

When is it time to say ENOUGH is enough?

     Everyone has those days where they want to quietly crawl back into bed, and hope today just turns into tomorrow. There is not one person that doesn't have bad days, it's called life. But when is the real "breaking point" when one needs to say "enough is ENOUGH" and start to make some drastic changes? I'm sorry to say there is no definite answer. Everyone has there limits, and when the limits reach the point of cracking, that's usually when the person has to stop putting off the thinking they don't want to do and take some action. Rule of thumb, you are the only one who can make the changes for YOUR life. No one else can. People can try to control you, but they can't live your life. Start a different path if needed. 

     Lately, my life has been quite the ordeal. From my grandpa pretty much on his death bed, to a new job, to college classes, and to a roommate that doesn't seem to want to help out much, trying to balance this all has been easier said than done. I am 20 years old, and I am coming to the end of my younger years where you are supposed to "live it up, have fun and enjoy yourself." Now I am living some real life realities, living in my own place, paying bills, ya know, the simple "joys" of adulthood. But are you supposed to be THIS stressed all the time? Will have to say thank goodness I finally found myself a decent job, so once I start getting paid I won't have to worry about money as much :) But, everything else seems to be caving in a bit. From not getting enough sleep, to worrying about family, to missing my last semester of classes to trying to keep things kept up at home so I can live in a clean environment. I have been trying awfully hard to balance it all, but there comes a time when changes need to take place, when you start to hit the "fed up wall". I feel like I am turning into a slightly different person with new responsibilities on my plate, which I like and dislike. The people who I always do SO much for are disliking me more, because I am starting to look out for myself more and more. And the side of me that is within that I know needs to stand up for herself more has been present more frequently, and she is getting more violent lol. 

     Everyone reaches multiple "cracking" points before hitting the wall and breaking it down. As I watch the bricks of my very sturdy wall start to crumble, it is only a matter of short time before it comes tumbling down. Major changes and things going on? Moving, quitting, starting over, getting over feelings, mourning, thinking about the future, just to name a few. Trying to decide which ones are best for my near future? Hard. But needs to start taking immediate place. 

     I have learned over the years not to plan too far ahead, for a lot can happen in a day, week and month's time. I am waiting patiently to see how things unfold. I am keeping positive thoughts and hoping for the best :)  That is all I can do. 

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Learning the Small Town World of Law

     Living in Western Kansas out in the boondocks my entire life, jobs are few and far between. Growing up, I had random odd jobs such as babysitting, cleaning neighbors houses. Then I moved up to a position helping out at our small town grocery store in the "big city" of Gove. Then I got the chance to work for some great people cleaning a feedlot office. Now these were definitely not extravagant jobs, but they got me the money I needed. I've had numerous jobs over my college years, from research center farm help to front end supervisor at Dillons. All of them have taught me good and bad things, but I never truly WANTED to got to work, I kinda just had to because I had bills to pay.

     Being unemployed for almost 2 months,  I decided to reach out to other job opportunities besides Colby. Oakley was the next best bet, and heading to the one place that I've always remembered in Oakley ever since I was little, the Vet's Office, I wasn't expecting to also be getting an application from the police department as well that day. I just so happened to be texting one of my good friends that works there beforehand. She was flustered, due to the fact one of her coworkers had resigned and they were already shorthanded as it was. So I decided why not? And got an application from a man I would soon be learning is my boss/captain at the department. Not gonna lie, going into the building and leaving with an application from a POLICE department was scary and intimidating, and I second guessed several times on even filling it out. I said to myself, who knows, right? Give it a shot!

    It was mere days and I was sitting in the middle of this huge, intimidating table with three guys in uniform, asking me random questions. Walking out I actually wasn't for sure if I even had a chance. I mean, a small town girl with random jobs under her belt, why would they give ME a chance at something like dispatching or communicating for the surrounding community? I started to drive away and literally ten minutes passed from time of interview to getting the phone call to come back down to the station. I had gotten the job! A nervous feeling filled my entire body, and I wondered what the hell I had gotten myself into. I was already starting to doubt myself.

     My first day of training, Sunday January 21 was filled with chit chat from a girl that had been dispatching there for 3 years. She was actually a girl I had known a majority of my life, we had rode the school bus together for years back in my grade school days. Getting to see her in this environment was defiantly a change lol. Second day came and went by quickly, my friend who had told me about the job training me on maps, 10 codes and a lot of other details. Third day, being on the radio, and my friend letting me on the computers already because I was so curious :)

    Having two days off now to reflect, I think I am going to like this job. Yes, I will admit my brain has literally HURT going to bed after my shifts, but my curiosity doesn't seem to want to stop. I wish the brain had the compacity to learn EVERYTHING all at once and retain in. But since that is not possible for me, I am learning a bit at a time. I am one of the detail people, and I seem to retain the details in this job more and hope all the puzzle pieces match up into the big picture soon. Knowing I will be learning and hands on learning is something I actually look forward to, and I haven't complained once about being there till midnight :)

     Just knowing I am going and developing myself in a field of law, being able to help those in the community and doing something this important is awesome to me. My curiosity hasn't been this spiked in YEARS, feels like my brain is a whole new world :) I hope that the next few weeks go good and that I continue to retain all this information...daunting my good thus far! Learning this job? I never thought I would get an opportunity like this! It's a good feeling!


Tuesday, January 22, 2013

It's 2013?!

     Well first of all, Happy 2013! I am about 20 days late on writing my post I intended to write for the new year. SO my bad! :) A lot has gone on since I last wrote in the beginning of November. Job status, my first ticket, new apartment, bringing feelings back to life for a crush I had on yet another friend, getting in touch with a few people I never thought I would be real close with..yeah, a good/rough start to 2013!

     I still can't believe how fast 2012 went by, it's amazing to look back to everything that happened, and put together EVERYTHING that went on within ONE's riDONKulous lol. Even though there is quite a bit that occured I am not totally proud of, I left 2012 in my past with a clear conscience. I believe that is the right way to end a year, accepting everything, learning from it all, and moving forward.

     I still don't get all the hype that comes with the start of a new year. People make ridiculous New Year Resolutions, stick to em for a day to two weeks or so, and then go back to their usual routine. Not saying some really stick with their goals, but we all know how we are. Besides the fact that people mainly make their resolutions on physical aspects of themselves, weight loss being a popular pick.

     I think as the year comes to a close, we should reflect on everything good, bad and ugly that happened that year. I know it's cliche, but MAKE A LIST! If you truly ponder on the happenings within your year, you will get a total and more accurate overview. Write down things you weren't proud of. Write down things you succeeded at, goals you achieved, things left undone. Then make a list of goals you want to accomplish. Sure, make resolutions to better your physical appearance, just make sure it's an attainable goal. But don't make all your resolutions about outside appearance. You can't be pretty on the outside if you're not on the inside, that's where beauty really bestows itself! Just saying...