I honestly don't know what has gotten into me the last month or so. But some sort of calling has been speaking to me. And this may sound cliche', but I have an urge to start making my mark upon the world. The thing is, I'm dealing with a creativity block, and the light bulb lighting the pathway to what I am supposed to do is a flickering one, not yet totally lit. I have had so many ideas, from YouTube videos, to community service, to donations and to even going to the college or high school board to create a new group in the city of Colby. Something just doesn't seem right with really ANY of these options. For some reason my crazy mind says to be original. And the wheels in my head have been turning non-stop on how to do just that-making my own, individual, creative and one-of-a-kind step that stands out among the millions of others who already made their place and inspired others.
Perhaps I need to stop doubting the ideas that I think won't work and start putting some of them into play, who knows. I just know that since it's calling to me so strongly I need to act upon this feeling. And it may be that I haven't met all the people that I know can help me achieve this either. Perhaps the calling is now but the action is supposed to take place later down the road. Like I've said before PATIENCE IS KEY, and that is what I am going to do, along with brain storming ideas until the right time comes along for me to instill them.
Human action from the heart is a funny thing in itself. Having a drive to do something about all the problems in the world is something that takes a strong willed individual to accomplish. And from everything that I have experienced and seen as a young adult so far in my life, I think I am ready to take those very tiny baby steps that will one day lead to something bigger for not just me, but those in my life as well.
Maybe part of this urge is the new feelings I've gotten the blessed chance to feel again, which is the blooming of deep feelings for another that I hope don't end up drowning me. This person has not only inspired me further but brought out another part of me as well, almost lit a type of fire, if that makes sense? An unexplainable fire that I want to successfully fulfill. To find this woman from literally the air and become so inspired from her experiences and hardships, I have found a new urge to want to help others such as my past self, who went through torment from others, to the gay side of who I am.
My goal is to make a difference in some way. And perhaps I need to think more simply and not so elaborately. For, the smallest gestures of kindness, the tiniest of steps towards a better tomorrow, are those that seem to have the biggest impact on the world. My mind is still turning with ideas, hopefully I will start to create a path, and I don't care if it is or if it's not the right one. For, any path that life leads me, I will continue to meet new people that can carry me farther. And I will keep experiencing things that will one day help me truly make that step that I hope many will get to see and experience along with me :)