One of the things that I have been pondering about lately is how do we become SO dependent on others for happiness in our lives? I will tell you I categorize myself as a highly independent individual. People? Unreliable 85% of the time. So I believe that being dependent on others is a waste of my time. But then again, I sometimes think back to the movie I Am Legend, where one man and his dog are by themselves, trying to survive in a world with literally no one, just the objects, buildings, roads, and other man made things that we left behind. Thinking about how he felt, having no family, friends and other people even around would be a harsh world. Having no one to bounce ideas, feelings and thoughts off of is a deep, incredibly frightening thought. So does this make ME dependent on people as well? Yes, I suppose it does. Even complete strangers help you daily to get you through simple tasks, such as filling out your taxes, checking out your groceries, helping you with random questions that might come up. One person can't have the knowledge of the entire world. It is not possible.
But how does one feel when the strangers they have grown to know and love shatter your trust into a million pieces? What happens when you begin not to trust any other person, even family members? You know they mean the best, but sometimes you wonder if they are hiding stuff as well. All you learn to trust is yourself, and when that starts to become iffy? What do you do? You begin to wonder if you are the person you really want to be, if you are where you're supposed to be, if you're on the right path whatsoever. You begin to question literally EVERYTHING about yourself. That is where I am now. After the last few months, I am trying and actually succeeding at keeping all those questionable thoughts to the back of my mind. But when they come to haunt me? It hurts. Feel like it's a curse, but I am dealing with each question one day at a time. And one of the #1 sayings you hear, some questions can't be answered.
Another thing that is ANNOYING that I am also learning more each day to manage is the fact that people can be so hypocritical. Us humans I have come to the conclusion like to complain about the dumbest stuff. I am guilty of it to. I feel like we always want people to feel sorry for us, so we can't live the whole day without something bothering us. It gives us something to talk about, when someone pisses us off or does something wrong. If I went an entire week without hearing it from someone, that would be the week to write up in the book of records. We work in mysterious ways, we are genuinely complicated beings. We can be hella confusing as well. Which makes you trust even yourself a little bit less.
Anyways, enough with my slight venting session. Just felt the need to write :)