Sunday, September 16, 2012

Broken but Mending

     I am a girl with a broken heart, a stabbed back and a few mental problems, I am kinda crazy ;) No, but really, it has taken me years to mend some of the slashes my heart has endured over my short 20 years. The walls that have been put up because of the slashes to my heart are still strong, and I am grateful to have met a handful of people who have managed to knock some of the bricks down from this heavily built wall. I don't open up to people easily, I don't trust easily, I don't love easily, I don't feel easily because I am afraid of the hurt that comes along with those things, I almost tend to view it as unneeded baggage. Funny thing is it hasn't made me any less caring or compassionate to those that I care about and that are close to me. I tend to care way too much and this is where I usually tend to get hurt. Cause I have found with a lot of caring and giving to others comes disappointment, disappointment due to not getting barely giving back. Disappointment in the fact that people always take things for granted.

     It seems to be a consistent pattern. Every time I get feelings for people I am either hurt, played or let down in some form or another. In my book? People are overrated, at least that's how it seems in this stage of my life. Sounds harsh? Yes, I know it does. Especially since I am a human being who makes mistakes just like everyone else. Feelings are overrated this day in age. Over half of the relationships started never turn out. There comes a time in each of our lives though that I believe we get sick of everyone around us. And it comes a point when it's too much to handle. Maybe it's not just a one-time stage, cause this has happened a lot to me in my lifetime. I have been verbally, physically and emotionally abused throughout many times in my life. I believe it is all about ATTITUDE. You can have the attitude to take situations positively or negatively. You can make the best out of the situations life throws at you, or you can dig yourself a hole and never come out.

     We all have bad days, you just have to remember it's a bad day and not the rest of your life. I sometimes have a hard time thinking in a positive light, it's a fault of mine. It just sucks when you get yourself to that positive outlook and then BAM something else happens, something else goes wrong and ruins it. I've learned life goes on, and all you can really do is pick yourself up off the ground and dust yourself off and continue on the path where your headed.

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